all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
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Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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