I am in a vortex of obligation.
you traded sex for a burrito?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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