How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dear god my vagina.
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