You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Small penises have feelings too.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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