You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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