'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
