and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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