Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
