wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
