His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
