I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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