watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize