I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
