why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
