Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
