Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
