he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
