How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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