Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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