i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
