I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
