The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
