I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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