Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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