I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
