I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
