im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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