apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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