found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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