I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
