Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
well you can't waste a boner
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
