There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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