I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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