I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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