please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself