Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE