What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.