I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize