yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize