Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize