Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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