I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
