i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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