I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
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Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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