Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
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They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
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Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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