That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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