Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize