Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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