My Higher Power is John Stamos
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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