whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
