The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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