i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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